Xander and Chloe’s Reign of Terror
Meet Xander and Chloe, the celebrated offspring of two educated and very distracted parents. These two little nuggets love to make a stir; being noticed for their endearingly awful behavior is just part of being special—-and to see their trophy shelves, you’d know they are special, indeed.
Their habitual fits of anger and eardrum-piercing objections are “caused” by unfortunate things like red food dye, fatigue, or poor reading skills. Therefore, they must carry fun iPads everywhere the family goes, or they’ll melt down. Their parents’ commands, cleverly disguised as perky questions, are usually met with defiance or ignored altogether.
From a shelf full of soccer trophies to a summer packed with boredom-crushing lego “camps,” Xander and Chloe have impressive resumes. Their academic pedigrees are off to a good start at the local expensive private school. At the after-school Little Tigers club, Xander can learn yoga, and Chloe can design a robot.
Their histories full of travel, art classes and swim meets would shame the average adult. However, those same adults would rather drive or walk than share an airplane row with these budding little Napoleons.
I sat behind a Xander and Chloe on a recent flight to Florida. Both were dressed ominously in trendy sweatshirts announcing “here comes trouble” and “be kind”. Obnoxious, but endlessly coddled by their hipster dad, they bucked the system from takeoff to landing.
Xander (short for Alexander, as in The Great) would not condescend to sit in his boring airline seat, preferring to roam the main cabin. Mom was seated nearby, willing to suffer his cute disobedience. Passengers around him suffered, too, but not so willingly. Poor, sweet Chloe; she could only sit comfortably if holding her snack and her iPad.
It was a mercifully short flight, clocking under two hours and one snack, but service for Xander and Chloe occurred several times during that span. Juice boxes, Pirate Booty and Skittles fueled them through 20-minute rounds of brattiness. Placating these airborne punks on longer flights probably requires a Wonka-level candy experience.
Off the plane, life isn’t much different for these two upstarts; If Chloe is brazen enough to defy her mom’s impotent sugg
Article from LewRockwell