We Need a State of the Union Address From the President!
But we are not getting one, so here’s what Joe would say if he could.
My fellow Americans and the world, how are you doing?
Let me begin. The union is unified, and unity is the name of the game. Unions, too. Bad people are out there, in the US where they still support Trump, and also in Syria and other places I can’t remember. I’m bombing them, they told me.
Those bombs, well, my security advisors are lying footsoldiers, the American people know this. C’mon. What were you expecting? I saw that I got Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize already, and that makes me feel pretty good for a small town country boy from…. where is that, Jill? You know the place. I don’t remember actually getting that Peace Prize, but I saw a picture of me getting it in the Babylon Bee.
I want all Americans to know that you are suffering, I know that, you don’t have to tell me. My dogs are very old, and scruffy, and when I chase them I fall down. I’m suffering too, and Jill and I stand with you in the pain of the coming years. Jill especially, she stands with me a lot. What can we do about it?
I like Dr Fauci. He looks like a dog-faced pony soldier to me, but you all need to do what he says. I don’t understand most of what he says. He’s like me in that way. He’s also made himself very wealthy in his decades of government service. Let me give it to you straight, Fauci has done himself a solid on the backs of the American people, and you gotta admire that. I know I do. Stay masked, stay safe, stay six feet apart, get shot.
Trump is an asshole.
Oh, sorry, I meant to say that you all who love Trump so much need to get out of the way, and let us do our work. Here’s what is coming.
We got a thing. I have been signing many things, and some of it is just to roll back the clock on the last four years, what Hillary wanted. Look, I get it. I don’t like her either, I’m with Barack on this, she is the richest damn woman next to the Kennedy’s, and you’re trying to tell me she cares about income inequality? Here’s the deal, on the thing we are doing now, it’s money in your pocket. A lot of pockets, and i
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